wow. I have not updated since february.

Ok so I feel I need to vent because everything seems to be pissing me off lately.

Is it absolutley insane to feel as if every single human being in this world is against you? Because I feel that way. I feel like everyone is out to get me and back me into a corner and hurt me. I am so tired of being hurt by everyone in my life I can't stand it! No one can just let me be! I've tried being quiet, subserviant, almost invisible and someone still finds time to screw something up. I just want to keep to myself and go about my business, but no. Someone feels it is always there place to put a big orange cone directly in the middle of the road and screw up my smooth driving.

WTF?

To all of my friends:

I cannot say in words how much I appreciate your support, especially these last few months. I know I have definitely not been the best of people to be around; its been very hard  for me to open up to anyone and to just try and keep a smile on my face. If I have kept something from you, know that it is not me being mean or rude or unthoughtful, because infact I think of all of you everyday; It is me being so utterably scared and sad that my first instinct is to keep it inside. While it is true that somedays I dont know how long I will last, it is also true that all of your love and support has  gotten me this far, and I thank you all for that. Im sorry Ive not been, well, me. A year ago at this time I couldnt stop smiling b/c i was so happy with life, but alot of things change in a year, a month, a week, a day, an hour, a minute.................one second. Please dont think  for  a minute that I care any less about you, me or us. I do. I really truly do. And I wish I could show it but sometimes the fear is just very overwhelming and crippling. I do not make excuses for unreturned phonecalls or broken "dates", but I will say this: I dont wish what I am  going through on anybody, and sometimes, I dont tell you so you wont have to know how it feels.

Happy Thanksgiving and God Bless,

Alex

you are a hypocrit. meh.

meh and deh dialogues: <court and i now have our own unique language.....gangsta to the max babay>

Meh.

Deh.

Meh Deh?

Deh Deh?

Oya papi! muy caliente!

You're the best listener that ive ever met

you're my best friend

best friend with benefits

what took me so long?

ive never felt

this healthy before

ive  never wanted

something rational

i am aware now

you've already won me over inspite of me

and dont be alarmed if i fall

HeAd OvEr FeEt

<3 meh

fuck you.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

spent some time w/ my  MISSA today.......i love her she is lovely and we and gonna steal all davids money..........arent we missa?

fuck you.

purvi had cake. me  have none. god tells me im fat.

fuck you.

field trip friday. dreading it. awww fucks.

fuck you.

like a non polar covalent bond.......................love doesnt expand all ways.

i love him.

gosh i love him.

fuck you.

Alex.